Everybody's Juicing — Let's Stop Pretending They're Not
You're not hearing noise … You're listening to STATIC
By Steven J.
Let's stop playing patty-cake with this topic like it's going to sprout legs and file a complaint with HR.
PEDs-performance-enhancing drugs-are everywhere in MMA. Not just in the dark corners of sketchy gyms. Not just in the Russian circuit. They're in the UFC. Bellator. ONE. PFL. Hell, I wouldn't be shocked if some of your favorite fighters are microdosing test while preaching "clean living" on their Instagram stories.
And here's the kicker: I'm not mad about it.
In fact, I'm about to make the case that we should legalize and regulate PEDs in MMA. Yep, I said it. Let the comment section burst into flames-just don't bring weak-ass arguments unless you want to get bodied by facts.
The PED Paradox: We Want Superhumans, but We Punish the Tools That Create Them
The Fan Paradox
MMA fans want wars. We want speed, power, endurance, and recovery that borders on mythological. You don't pay $80 on a Saturday night to watch two guys circle each other for 15 minutes because their testosterone levels have been medically neutered.
The Bodybuilding Illusion
You ever met a 250-pound bodybuilder at 4% body fat with vascularity like a Google Maps satellite view-and they swear they're just eating tilapia and doing preacher curls for Jesus? Please. That's not clean. That's clinical. That's pharmaceutical-grade science dressed in Gymshark and delusion.
The Recovery Reality
PEDs, when monitored and dosed properly, enhance performance. That's literally the point. But they also do something even more important-they can reduce injury, accelerate healing, and protect fighters from long-term damage when used under medical supervision.
That's not cheating. That's science.
The Real Danger? The Black Market, Not the Drugs
Regulation Works
Prohibition forces fighters into dangerous black markets
Safety Concerns
Unregulated substances lead to health risks
Sports Hypocrisy
Other major sports already acknowledge the reality
You want to see fighters dying in hotel bathtubs in Thailand because they injected some bathtub brew from a guy named "Coach Knifehand"? No? Then maybe stop forcing them into the shadows.
Prohibition doesn't work. Regulation does.
The NFL knows it. MLB knows it. Hell, even the Olympics-who act like they're running the Vatican-have asterisks next to every gold medal since 1976 because testing is laughably uneven and enforcement is political.
So let's stop the charade in MMA. Give fighters access to medical professionals, baseline testing, regulated dosages, and longitudinal monitoring. We already allow cortisone shots, IV rehydration (if you're special enough), and stem cell therapy. But God forbid someone's T levels drift north of 500 and the pitchforks come out.
It's hypocrisy wrapped in branding and sprinkled with Dana White's righteous indignation.
Therapeutic Use Exemptions (TUEs): Legal Steroids for the Chosen Few
Doctor's Note
Get medical approval for banned substances
Official Exemption
Receive TUE from regulatory bodies
Legal Usage
Use PEDs with full authorization
Competitive Advantage
Perform at enhanced levels legally
Let's talk about the biggest loophole in the game-TUEs.
You've heard of these, right? The VIP pass to take banned substances as long as your doctor says you need them. Vitor Belfort's "TRT Era" wasn't a fluke; it was a feature of the system. He was legally saucing and still headkicking souls into the shadow realm.
Now imagine if every fighter had the same medical support, oversight, and transparency. Safer fights, longer careers, and maybe-just maybe-we stop acting like we don't already know what's going on behind the scenes.
Safety First... No, Seriously
Medical Supervision
I'm talking monitored, controlled, and disclosed enhancement. Under a doctor's care.
Full Transparency
With full transparency and periodic checks-not the "surprise USADA visit at 4am" circus, but a grown-up system.
Athlete Support
A system that understands the physical demands of elite combat sports and actually supports the athletes.
Look, I'm not advocating for unregulated chemical warfare. I'm not asking for fighters to show up looking like Ivan Drago and pissing neon.
You think a 38-year-old fighter bouncing back from ACL surgery in four months is just eating more spinach? Please.
Final Round: Let's Be Honest, or Let's Be Quiet
The Weed Hypocrisy
Banned for decades despite no performance advantage
Control, Not Protection
Rules built around projecting control, not athlete safety
Real Discussion Needed
Scientific, strategic, logical arguments welcome
So here's the part where you either nod your head and say, "Yeah, this makes sense," or you clutch your pearls and start crying about fairness and morality.
And if that's you-if you're getting ready to lecture me about "sportsmanship" or your precious moral code-maybe sit the hell down and ask yourself why weed was banned for decades.
Weed.
You seriously think lighting up a joint gives you an edge in a cage fight? If anything, it's a handicap. You're less likely to be looking for a fight and more likely to be staring at your opponent like, "Damn... you ever think about how weird ears are?" Meanwhile, you're craving pretzels and wondering if The Notebook was actually underrated.
Nate Diaz has walked into the cage baked enough to hotbox a stadium and still slapped the cardio off people. That's not performance-enhancing-that's personality enhancing. The dude shows up high as hell, throws up double birds, Stockton-slaps a world-class fighter, and then mumbles his way through a post-fight speech like he just woke up from a nap in a bean bag chair.
The man's not cheating. He's vibing.
The fact that THC was ever banned proves one thing: these rules aren't built around protecting fighters-they're built around projecting control. Period.
So if you've got a real argument-scientific, strategic, logical-bring it.
But if you're just gonna whine like a little bitch because "that's not how the sport is supposed to be," then I've got nothing for you but an eye roll and a spinning heel kick to your sense of nostalgia.
Let's have the conversation. But don't come soft.
Let's Talk Numbers
50%
Muscle Recovery
Anabolic steroids can cut muscle recovery time
40%
Tissue Repair
HGH can speed up ligament and tendon repair
↑
Brain Protection
Testosterone and creatine may help protect the brain post-concussion
↓
Post-KO Recovery
Low testosterone post-KO slows recovery and impacts cognition
Also, Wanna Guess Who Gets Those Exemptions?
- Over 95% of USADA-approved TUEs from 2016–2020 went to top 10% fighters.
- If you're elite, it's medicine. If you're unknown, it's cheating.
Testing vs. Reality
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Widespread Usage
44% of elite athletes admit to PED use in anonymous surveys
Poor Detection
WADA's detection rate is just 1–2% of actual usage
Hidden Reality
Most PED use goes completely undetected
False Perception
Public believes testing creates "clean" sport
- Anonymous surveys show 44% of elite athletes admit to PED use.
- WADA's detection rate is just 1–2%.
- Let that sink in while you clutch your athletic purity pearls.